Naomi+Manning+Admission+Essay

As a new admissions officer, I rank the tears this way. I look for a strong essay; this is when you personally get a chance to talk to the admissions officer. Next would be transcript, this is how we will know how you have been doing in school for all four years. To tell whether you had an upward trend and if you grades make sense to the career you’re looking forward to doing as an occupation. After would be recommendation, this is when we find out how you operate in an class room and it tells use things we wouldn't know from the transcript like for example why you've had A lot of lateness in your sophomore year of high school like a death in the family. Is also provides us with the knowledge how your relationship with that teacher. Next you be activities, this is when we find out if you have “Depth Over Breadth " and this is when you are in one activities for all four years then switching club/activities to the next each year. Also if you’re a leader and if you didn't know colleges love leaders. An last but not least SAT's, this is when we can tell your intelligence level and what and where you stand in the subjects of critical reading , writing and math.

When reading through Kayla Serrano I noticed how outstanding her essay was. She had a hook, and epiphany, the before and after the epiphany. It also answered the question “Let us know about you “There were no spelling and grammar mistaken, it showed how she matured. Also I noticed her recommendation letter was amazing it was honest praise. Her college counselor say's that she exemplifies all of the qualities that they want all of their college bound students to possess. Her counselor also said that challenges herself and also exhibited a great deal of focus and determination. Kayla's activity sheet was not the best. She was in the Jamming Cares Club for only her freshman year. Out of school she did walk her brother to school every morning in her freshman and sophomore year. So most likely this is why she was late one day in her sophomore year. Also mentioned by her college counselor she had worked at Dunkin' Donuts for her senior year, 20 hours a week to help support her family.

Now to Kayla's SAT scores were below average is Critical Reading she got a 400, in Writing she got a 450 and in Math she got a 520. She's an outstanding student but this is known that the SAT's may be bias to people who grow up in East Harlem, an also whose first language isn't English. An as told in her recommendation and her essay she didn't even know how to speak English until she decided to come to America to go to school. That when we began to learn. And for some people they may think four years is enough time to learn how to speak English but she’s coming from a different country, where she's been speaking Spanish all her life until her first year in High School! Last but not least to speak of is Kayla's transcript. All throughout the years it may seem as if she had started off good and ended good but if you really notice her grades she had an upward trend. You can tell her nest subject was math and her least subject was Science and English. You can see she took advance classes, like Intensive Advanced Math Enrichment in her Jr. Year. An even took a college course class at Hunter College called College Now Statistics. Her regents scored were good, in Living Environment she got a 67, for Global she got a 70, Integrated Algebra she got a 99. In U.S History she got a 71 and English she got a 65. For Geometry she got an 8, for Spanish she got a 98 and Algebra II / Trig she got an 81. For all the math subjects she knocked those out the park. Why? You may ask because as know she wasn't so great w. English because she's a new learner to it. An also we know math doesn't require a lot of words but plentiful numbers. Also her grade in Spanish was so high because we all know her first language was Spanish.

When reading through William Santos I first noticed how poor his essay was. There was nothing there he wrote not even and paragraph about how in High School he didn't feel challenged enough and how he knows that his grades haven't been the best. There was not hook, no epiphany and it didn't tell us anything really about him or how he's matured. Now is recommendation letter was nothing but faint praise. His college counselor just really said that he was destined for success at a college level. And that if he applies himself hell do very well. His activity sheet was O.K; he was in the Drama Club and Soccer Team for only his freshman year. He was the founder of the Inn-Zane with was a comic magazine about a super innovator & a member in the Comic Book Club for his senior year. And for all four years at home he took care of the family dog. We also find out he worked at Fanta's Hardware as a Stock Boy for 12 hours a week but only for his Jr. Year from October to June. An also worked at AMC Theater, Union Square as the ticket salesperson 18 hours a week during school days & in the summer 35 hours an week, but only for his senior year. Now as I look at his transcript you can for sure see there’s an upward trend. He absolutely has an problem with absence and lateness, an his grades definitely show how much his absence and lateness count on his grades. Even though his class grades aren't the best his Regents and SAT's scores are amazing. For his Living Environment he got a 87, for Global he got a 90. For Integrated Algebra he got an 89, for U.S History he got a 91, and for English he got an 88. Now if you look at his SAT's he got higher than average. For Critical Writing he got a 600, for math he got a 620 and for writing he got 650, there amazing scores. An he only look his SAT's once. His grades do not make sense with the score of his Regents and SAT test.

Next is Jasmine Duke. while reading through her papers the first think that i noticed was how great her grades were on her transcript, she didn't haven an upward trend but her grades are great. She pretty much keep the same grades through out all her four year of High School. She doesn't have a problem with lateness nor absence but she goes have a few. She also didn't take any challenging or college level courses For her SAT's and her Regents she did pretty good. For her Regents in Living Environment she got a 85, for Global Studies she go a 75. For Integrated Algebra he got an 81, an U.S History she got a 81, an for English she got an 73. There are really go grades. Unfortunately her SAT scores weren't as amazing it was below average. For Critical Reading she got a 430, for Math she got a 470 and for Writing she got a 440. I was very disappointed at looking at these differences. Her essay also disappointed me all she wrote about was her mother but yet her mother isn't applying for our college she is. So she did not answer the question at all which was " Tell us about yourself ". It had an hook but no epiphany nor before and after, this was upsetting. Next was her activity sheet, she was in the drama club and the STEP Program at CUNY College for all four year. For her Jr. an Senior year she was in the knitting club. Outside of school she was in the Church Choir at her church for her Freshman, Sophomore , and Jr. year. An also was the Scripture Reader for her Jr. & Senior year. Her Work Experience was she was a babysitter for Lawrence and Darby Jett,she did this in her Sophomore year. an in her Summer of her Jr. year going to her Senior year she worked an Internship with Children's Museum of Science. I was happy with the " Depth Over Breadth ". Now to her recommendation letter, you can tell her college counselor was happy to write it. Its explains how she puts all her hard work into every assignment. And that she wants to be a doctor which does make sense with her grades because her strong points are in math and science. And it also explains about her life and the reason why they came here to America.

Last but not least Roman Polanco, his essay was amazing. It was the first thing that stood out to me, he had a great hook, and you knew the epiphany. He talked about the before and after the epiphany. An it really answered the question “Tell Us about You ". Next was his transcript you saw that he hand an upward trend, and took no challenging or college level courses. He for sure had problem with lateness and absence, it got lest worst throughout the years. For his Regents he got great scores, for his Living Environment he got an 83, for Global Studies he got a 79. For his Integrated Algebra he goes an 88, in U.S History her got an 84, and for English he got an 80. Now his SAT scores weren't as good as this they were below average. For Critical Reading he go a 480, for Math he got a 510 and for Writing he got a 490. Next was his Activities Sheet, for all four years he was part of the Student Ambassadors and even in his senior year became an leader, an colleges love leaders. For his Senior and Jar year he was part of the Debate Club, also for his sophomore year he was a part of the Portuguese Club. An only for his freshman year he was part of innovation cares. Outside of school he worked at a soup kitchen and central park clean-up for his freshman year. A Work Experience he worked at Julio Franco's El Ricon Restaurant and Taco Shop. First he was a busboy, then a cashier, and then a waiter. He works 18 hours a week and worked in his sophomore year of High School. Last was his recommendation letter from his college counselor, in the letter it explain how Roman had worked very hard on this college application process and I believe everybody should. It also pointed out how Roman was a late bloomer but also came to realize how important a college education is.

With all that said Kaylah is the strongest candidate and is my choice. She is welcome to my college because she has an upward trend, she a hard worker. Although her SAT scores aren't the best she tried her best & same for her Regents. Her grades make sense with the job she wants to have when she's older ! She wants to be an doctor and her math & science grades prove that's what she is really working for. An the fact that she is able to speak Spanish and English. She can help out patients that feel more comfortable with speaking Spanish then English. Her essay was amazing. Although she didn't have many activities, she did have an job for 25 hours and week and that showed she was mature. An her recommendation was the icing on the cake. Her teacher told us that Kaylah is pretty much ready for this experience.