Josh+Castillo+admissions+essay


 * __Joshua persuasive essay__ **
 * __University of The Moon__ **
 * As a college admission officer, The most important aspects in getting into my college is, [T]ranscript, [E]ssay, [S].a.t’s, [R]ecc’s, And then [A]ctivities. The reason for this is because at my college, I feel our students come here to be just students. Students come here to get an education, our college wants to see what type of student you are and we feel the best way to show you as a student is your transcript. The Transcript shows your grades, attendance, and regents scores. The essay is second important because it tells us something about you that we wont know from the transcript, even though a good essay wouldn't tell us about you as a student, It tells us what kind of person you are overall and what type of person you are overall. The Recc’s are third most important because we feel that the reccs are basically another prospective of you as a student. Some teachers might tell us about a students behavior or attitude in class and that’s a major priority at our school because we want to know what type of people we are bringing into the College campus. Activities are least important to this school because we feel that students go to College to be student and get a education and some students might not want to play a sport or join a club in college so we leave that for last and focus on the important things like grades because with out good grades you wouldn’t be able to join a club anyway. **


 * In reviewing Roman’s transcript I noticed he had an upward trend. His grades got better from 9th grade - 12th grade. However, he had bad attendance problems. In Roman’s essay, it tells us something we wouldn’t see in his transcript. His essay describes his epiphany where he feels that he should of been doing the breast cancer walk along time ago. While analyzing Roman’s SAT scores, we noticed that he has taken them twice each subject and only in math did he score a average 510. Our college requires the SAT because we want to know what type of test takers these students are, we also want to be known as a college with a high prestige with the most brilliant students. While reading over Roman’s recommendation we noticed his councilor talked about him as a person also a challenge that he overcame was becoming a late bloomer, during the start of his high school career his grades were just above passing and his attendance was just horrible. His 11th and 12th grade year his attendance got a little better and his grades got even more better. Finally looking over Roman’s activities sheet we got hooked on to him being a student ambassador leader in 12th grade. He went from being a member of the student ambassador’s club to being a leader so it shows he has stuck with the club from freshmen year which means Depth. **


 * In reviewing Kaylah’s transcript I noticed she had almost perfect attendance, she only had one absence in her 10th grade year. Another thing that stuck out in her transcript is that she took College level classes in math. In Kaylah’s essay she talks about her out of school and it answers the real question about her. I found a flaw in her essay which is that her essay was way too long and this makes me feel that Kaylah might not be able to follow rules. While looking at Kaylah’s SAT scores I noticed that she only has her math grade both times above average. Also as I noticed she got a lower grade the second time she took each test. In Kaylah’s recc, her councilor talked about her prespective as a student and how she is determined to succeed. One flaw in Kaylah’s recc is that they talk about most of the things that we learned already from the transcript. Looking over Kaylah’s activities sheet I see that she walks her younger brother to school each morning from 9th to 10th grade, to me thats breath ober depth. Also in 12th grade Kaylah got her first job in dunkin donuts and is still working there, But her flaw is she has more breath over depth in 9th grade when she only joined Jamming Cares Club for one year. **
 * While analyzing William’s transcript I noticed that his first three years in High school his grades were just passing, but in 12th grade his grades became above average. One Flaw in Will’s transcript is that he has a horrible attendance and it gets worse by the year. While reading Will’s essay it doesnt answer the question at all, it doesnt tell us something we don’t know. Also his essay is no where near 500 words. Looking at Will’s SAT scores are above average and are really good. Also his highest score is his writing grade. In Will’s recc it tells us things we already know. Also his recc shows so much fraint praise. Looking at Will’s activities sheet, he is the founder of the Inno-zine club in 12th grade. Also in 10th grade Will did not join any club. **


 * While analyzing Duke’s transcript I noticed that her grades are really good throughout all her High school years. Also Duke’s attendance is really good with only 12 absences. In Duke’s essay she doesn’t answer the real question, she talks about her mother the entire time. Also Duke’s essay not 500 words. While Looking over Duke’s SAT scores I notice that her grades are just below average. Also I notice that in Reading and Math her grade got higher and in writing her grade got lower. In Duke’s recc her councilor talks about her prospective of her. Also Dukes recc doesnt not show faint praise. In Duke’s activities she shows depth in Drama club sticking with it for four years. Also her flaws is that she cant keep a job for more than a year. **


 * Out of the four candidates I choose Kaylah because Her grades were pretty good. Even though her essay was too long it was still good. Congrats to Kaylah for getting into The University of The Moon. **
 * -Joshua-Joel Castillo Sir **