Breann+Rivera's+admissions+essay

as my job as a college administrator, i rank the t.e.a.r.s. of joy in this particular order: First in my ranking is The essay/personal statement. this is because it gives me a better perspective of the student. Secondly the recommendation. this is because I like to see the points about a student from a educated view. Thirdly the transcript; it is ranked third because it is very important to see any form of upward trends & consistency. Fourthly the activities; i am very interested to see if the student is multidisciplinary & involved with something bigger then one's self. Lastly the sat's; it is last in my order of importance because i feel the sat, may be culturally bias.

The first student i evaluated was Kayla Serrano. Kayla Serrano's essay exceeded to spark my interest as she described her struggle about moving to east Harlem. also, Kayla did answer the real question that many colleges , are looking for. she chose to describe about her personal conflicts & ultimately her triumph. she explained how she worked at a dunkin donuts for twenty five hours per week.her biggest triumph was learning how to balance everything. . her essay has shown how she has grown & taken charge of her own life.

Kayla's recommendation had no hint of faint praise. it pinpointed her her as an exceptional young women told of her exceptional ability in the classroom for someone who knew minimal English, it told of the challenges she overcame with her language barrier. it also elaborated on her strength in Spanish & math.

Kayla's transcript in my eyes was exceptional, i saw a pattern of an upward trend during each of her years as a student. her attendance/lateness record was outstanding missing almost no days of school.

Kayla's activities weren't really up to par, seeing how she had no depth over breadth, however, she did work very hard at her 25 hour per week job at dunkin donuts.

lastly, Kayla's sat's scores, on her sat's were below average, scoring in the four hundred to five hundred range. i see no conflict in her scores because i feel the sat's may be culturally bias.

The second student I evaluated was jasmine duke. I was very disappointed in essay. it failed to meet the requirements, as in does it answer the real question. it did not. instead of learning something about jasmine, her hardships, her jumping over hurdles, her accomplishments. we learn at hand, about jasmine's hard working mother who in this case is not applying to the college. the story lacks a epiphany, or shows how jasmine has grown.

jasmine's recommendation, speaks on her intellect of making a robot alongside other students. jasmine takes enrichment classes in math & science showing her strong leadership by being the only female in her class. her recommendation was well written & focused on her strengths in math & science.

jasmine's transcript was above average, earning mostly eighties in all her classes during her years as a student. her attendance/ lateness was very well as she has only been late twelve times in her four years & absent once.

jasmine's activities showed no depth over breath & no leadership. she was apart of two clubs & never was promoted in neither. she continued to just be a member. colleges love leaders. however, she was employed, as a baby sitter in tenth grade& earned herself a internship at a children's museum for science.