Christopher+Uzzell+Comparative+Essay

Christopher Uzzell Comparative Essay February 7, 2012

Hello there. I am Christopher Uzzell, the Admissions Officer at the St. Petersburg University of Warfare and Science. I determine the futures of those who apply to my university. To get in, all applicants must impress me through the grueling and challenging admissions process., known as the evaluation of the TEARS of JOY: Transcript, Essay, Activities, Recommendations, and SATs, but at my school, I say DIFFERENT. I have reordered the TEARS of Joy in my own preference and importance, and here's the pecking order: Essay, Activities, Transcript, Recommendations, and SAT, which I have dubbed the Soul EATRS. To me, the essay and activities are of the most importance because they show two qualities that I look for in every student: good character and hardcore determination. The transcript is in the middle because in my honest opinion, there is NO such thing as a good or bad transcript. It is how your admissions officer sees it as, which goes towards my school's motto: "There is no such thing as a good or bad student. The only thing that is good or bad about the matter is your opinion of one," Today, I will evaluate four noble and intelligent high school students from the Renaissance Charter High School for Innovation, who's names are William Santos, Roman Polanco, Jasmine Duke, and Kaylah Serrano. Get ready for a night on the town, because this evaluation will be a ballroom blitz.

=__**William Santos**__=

When I look at William's TEARS, I was appalled to see this. I said there was no such thing as a good or bad student, but there IS a such thing as a terrible one. His transcript looks nearly atrocious. His averages were around the low 60s and 70s for three years. His Regents look mighty fishy to me, given the fact that there was an upward trend in lateness and was absent frequently, so honestly, I don't know how he managed to get high 80s and low 90s for each of his Regents. It looks like to me that he is bootlegging it through high school. For three years, he barely made it through all of his classes. It gets worse, because his essay is even //worse.// There is no hook, no epiphany, no specific examples, and looks utterly rushed. I don't know one sensible person who can learn anything about an applicant through one paragraph and two short sentences. As for his activities, it is the only good light upon this train wreck. He shows good depth over breadth, as both an employee and as a member of a family. He worked at a hardware store 12 hours a week, and has taken are of the family dog all throughout his high school career. That shows both character and responsibility, but now that I think about it, I think he's trying to use it as a cushion to boost his currently failing morale.

As for the recommendation letter from his college counselor, I have worked at this college as an admissions officer for 20 years, and I have never seen any letter of recommendation as weak as the one I have seen for William. I couldn't bear to look at it, and I have a feeling that the college counselor who wrote this couldn't bear it either. It was only //**THREE**// sentences. This shows POTENTIAL. I don't want potential. I want results.This is by far not only the worst recommendation letter I have ever read, this is also the worst thing I have read in my life. If there is one thing I pledge towards, it's honesty, and honestly, I feel terribly bad for William's college counselor. Now, the icing on the cake: the **//__SATs.__//** I really don't require SATs for my university, but with these SATs, no other college should accept them. His SATs are 600, 620, and 650. Judging by his lateness and absences, and his grades, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to get over 600 and BARELY pass his classes over a period of three years. This raises a red flag for me.

=**__Kaylah Serrano__**=

When I look at Kaylah's transcript. I get a soothing feeling that I am looking at good results. This was far more than I expected, because throughout her high school career, she has dominated time and time again, earning 70s through 90s for EVERY class. Even I saw no clear upward trends, there was a very obvious sign that for the rest of the transcript, I will be greatly surprised by her greatest endeavors. I have seen nothing yet. Looking at all of her Regents and Honors classes, I am very pleased with this surprising and unexpected transcript. Kaylah's essay is outstanding in any light you put it in. Good hook and epiphany, good details, and for a minute, I felt like I was in Kaylah's shoes. Coming from Nicaragua, knowing very little English and getting high 70s and low 80s is the true meaning of overcoming clear obstacles. However, I was disappointed with her activities, because she has no depth, and nearly no breadth. I'd have to hand it to her for working at a Dunkin' Donuts for 20 hrs a week, but that seems to be the only thing she did besides walk her little brother to school.

Looking at her recommendation letter, I not only see that Kaylah is very determined, a hard worker, and an incredible asset to everyone around her, I also seem to wish that I was Kaylah's college counselor. I am proud to see this recommendation letter, and I look forward to the rest of her evaluation. Looking at Kaylah's SAT scores, I am somewhat pleased. Of course her reading SAT will be lower than the other two, but she has earned an above average score for her math scores. I assume that she had and easier time for the math SAT because math is not only easier for her to understand, math is her most impressive on her transcript. I am pleased to see her SAT, and that it has a connection not only to her grades, but from the challenge she had to face as both an immigrant and as an exceptional student. Kudos to her.

=**__Jasmine Duke__**=

When I look at Jasmine Duke's transcript, I was actually jumping for joy at the sight of her near-perfect grades, which her from the 80s to the high 90s. This is character I have never seen before in my LIFE. She aced or nearly aced EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER CLASSES. But when I looked at her senior year, oddly there are no honors classes. I'm sorry, but I want the risk takers. I want people who are willing to take risks, whether they succeed or fail. These grades are not acceptable to me because I don't want safe plays. The U.S didn't win World War 2 by hiding under a rock and waiting for the Soviets to blow a hole in the Berlin Wall, and you're not going to get in the St. Petersburg University of Warfare and Science by hanging on your basic classes like a life preserver. Moving on to her activities, she shows INCREDIBLE depth over breadth, but she was never a leader, even though she had the ability. Her jobs make up for it, and bring this sinking ship back up.

Her essay, on the other hand, is even //worse// than William's. I know a little bit from William, but this is clearly unacceptable. The entire thing is about her mother. You're not going to impress me a single bit if you can't at least include even a little bit. Her recommendation letter- ah, here we are. This is the best recommendation letter I have ever read. This letter shows that she is an extremely hard worker, is respected by her teachers and peers, and is able to juggle alot of her personal life with everything she is involved with. Her college counselor must be beaming with delight. The SATs disappoint me greatly. She can pass all of her classes with near immaculate grades, but bomb her SAT like a nuclear missile on an island. Her critical reading and writing scores were nowhere near what her grades were telling he. NEXT!!

=**__Roman Polanco__**=

Roman's transcript is exactly what I was looking for. I understood that his grades were not that strong starting out, but he matured, picked himself up, dusted himself off, and tried even harder. This is what I was looking for all along. A student who gives nothing but 100% or more and tries harder and harder as he grows is what I need. I also have taken notice that Roman's Regents scores are all 70s and higher. Impressive. His activities, even with no depth, astound me even further. He is a LEADER in his school. The thing I love more than student ambassadors are leaders, and apparently, Roman is both. His essay is the top notch. This is the essay I always want to see, but few people seem to understand. Luckily, Roman is one of those few. His essay is PERFECT. Excellent everything: hook, epiphany, details, and I literally framed this essay on my wall. The recommendation letter is the icing on this already perfect cake. I really like hard workers, and his college counselor has greatly emphasized that point. His SATs are the flowers made of icing that are put on afterwards. 480, 490, and 500 are now my favorite numbers.

=**__//Conclusion: And My Choice Is.............//__**=

Two words: **ROMAN POLANCO!!!!** I have chosen Roman Polanco, and actually, I made a bet on Roman Polanco when his application showed up on my desk. The trump card for Roman was his essay, which is my most important of the Soul EATRS. He was the EPITOME of what I was looking for. William Santos, well.......I got nothing, and really don't care. Jasmine Duke, I wish you well on your future endeavors. Kaylah Serrano, good luck out there. Roman Polanco, you are hereby accepted into the St. Petersburg University of WARFARE AND SCIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!