Tamara+Ayala+Admissions+Essay

As an admissions officer who has been doing my own job for many years now, I have experienced many things with many applications. To help me view many of these applications I use a method called "TEARS." (Transcripts, Essays, Activities, Recommendations, and SAT's.) This is the original order but an easier way for me to work faster is if I use it in this order, "TSARE," just because I think these things matter more from beginning to end. It's also important for me to put it in this order because this is usually the order the applications come in and also because these are the things I look for most from the beginning of the application to the end. Usually just by looking at a students Transcript I can tell how they work in and out a classroom. When I view their SAT scores it tells me how good of a test taker they are. Every application I've ever seen, when I came past the Activity section I could usually tell what kind of person that student is. The Recommendations is just one thing that I believe gives me the opinion of someone else about the student, And last but not least, I believe the Essay that the student write's gives them a better opportunity to tell me some thing's about themselves that is not in their Recommendation.

In reviewing William Santos' Transcript, I've realized that some people just do not work well in a classroom. His grades throughout all four of his high-school years were not the best, he had mostly 60's and 70's, by the time William got to his senior year in high-school his grades got a little better. I was surprised to that William's SAT scores were above average because of how low his grades were and also because of his absences and lateness's. As I looked over William's Senior Activity Sheet, I've come to notice that he does not know how to stick to one activity for a long period of time, in his freshman year he was a member of The drama club and he was also a member of the JV Soccer Team. In his junior year he was a member of the Film Appreciation club, and in William's senior year he was a member of the Comic Book Club and the Founder of a club named Inno-Zine. William took care of the family dog for all four years of high-school.

William had a job in his junior year as a stock boy in Fanta's Hardware, He worked 12 hours a week from October to June. In his senior year he worked at an AMC movie theater as a ticket salesperson for 18 hours a week during the school year and 35 hours a weeks during the summer time. As I read William's letter of Recommendation, I could tell that the teacher writing his letter of Recommendation didn't have much to say about William, except for the fact that he has excellent SAT scores. I believe he didn't have much to say because of William's not being able to stick to an activity for long. At the university William applied to they asked if he could write a 500 word essay, when I saw his essay I was absolutely, positively disturbed that he would even give the essay in. It was a spaghetti sauce essay, meaning that it was sloppy, not well written, it had no epiphany and it never answered the "real question." The spelling and grammar was great but he had nothing I expected to read in his essay.

As I went on to view other applicants, I came across a young lady who's name was Jasmine Duke. Jasmine's grades overall are better than William's because they are much higher and on her Transcript I saw that she took some elective classes which was very impressive. Her lateness's and absences were good, they were not the best but they were ten time's better than William's. I view Jasmine's SAT scores and I was shocked to see that a person with good grades in high-school, had such low scores on the SAT's. Her scores were not even average they were below. But even with the fact of her low SAT scores I was amazed that she took each SAT test twice, which mad me think that she's not the kind of person to give up on anything. The second time she took her SAT's she received a higher score in both the Critical Reading section and the Math section, But both scores were still a little below average. When Jasmine took her Writing part of the SAT's for the second time she sadly received a lower score than she did she did her first time. Now as I past Jasmine's SAT scores I saw the activities that she's done throughout her four years of high-school. She was apart of the Step Program (CUNY), she was a member for four years and she was also a member of the Drama Club for all four years of high-school. In her junior and senior years Jasmine was a member of the Knitting With Claire Club, which made me proud because at the University she applied for, there's a program where students can knit anything they would like but they would have to give one item they knitted to a child in need.

Jasmine has also done community activities. She was in her church choir for 3 years and she was a Scripture Reader for 2 years. During many of the activities that Jasmine did, I was surprised that she had time to work. In her sophomore year of high-school she was a babysitter and she babysat for 10 hours a week. Jasmine also had a job in 11th going to 12th grade as a Junior Tour Guide at The Children's Museum For Science. When I looked at Jasmine's Letter Of Recommendation I could tell that her counselor really believed in her. I could also tell that he had a lot of faith in her. When I read the letter I honestly didn't even want to view other applicants because something told me that Jasmine was the right student to choose. But I kept going, and as I went along I came over Jasmine's essay. Now she didn't reach all of the standards. The essay was not 500 words it was less. Her hook was somewhat good and her spelling and grammar was great, but the whole entire essay was about her mother. And last time I recall Jasmine applied for this college not her mother, so her essay really let me down but at least it was better than William's.

Moving on as my long day went by I came across a pink application! I honestly thought this was a joke, but no it wasn't. I was viewing the application of Kaylah Serrano. As I went over her Transcript something I noticed was an upward trend in her grades over the 4 years she's been in high-school. During Kaylah's 4 years of high-school she only missed one day of school. Kaylah took some advanced classes and some elective classes too. As I saw that I realized that she may be the kind of person to challenge herself for the better. I moved on to Kaylah's SAT scores and I was not surprised to that that a person with an upward trend in grades during her 4 years of high-school had low SAT scores. This kind of reminded me of Jasmine Duke, She had very amazing grades in high-school but her SAT scores were very low. Just like Jasmine, Kaylah took the SAT's twice. She got below average the first time she took the Critical Reading and the Writing part of the SAT's. Her Math score was above average by only a few points. The second time she took the SAT's Kaylah scored lower in all 3 sections of the test.

As I went on I saw Kaylah's Activity Sheet and it didn't surprise me that a person with high grades in high-school could be apart of any kind of activities. She was apart of the Jamming Cares Club during her freshman year of high-school. Kaylah walked her younger brother to school every day from 9th grade to 10th grade. During her senior year she worked as a counter server at Dunkin' Donuts for 20 hours a week. When I viewed Kaylah's Letter Of Recommendation I saw that people actually have trust in her and see's her as a leader that challenges herself in every way that she can. That letter really made me proud of her. And even though her parents left her in the city and they went back to Nicaragua I think she made a good living. Kaylah's essay was perfect, It had an epiphany, a hook and it answered the real question, But her essay was too long.

The last candidate application I viewed was a young man by the name of Roman Polanco. His grades absolutely had me lost of words. It was a great upward trend, he even took some elective classes just like Kaylah did. His attendance was not the best but I'm sure a person with good grades has a good reason for not so great attendance. His SAT scores were not the best. He took them twice just like Kaylah and Jasmine did which made my decision even harder because from my perspective it seems to me that they all like to challenge themselves and work very hard. But how ever unlike Kaylah, Roman did get a higher score the second time he took each SAT. Which made my decision a little more easier. I saw Roman's Senior Activity Sheet and I was honestly stunned! It was almost like he knew what this college wanted from people. He was a member of Student Ambassadors for 3 years and he became the leader his last year of high-school, Roman was also a member of the Debate Club his Junior and Senior year. During his Freshman year Roman was a member of The Innovation Cares Club where he was a soup kitchen volunteer and he helped in a Central Park Clean Up. In his Sophomore year Roman was a member of a Portuguese Club, which is very impressing because here at this university we like to have people that know's more than one language and we also like to have leaders attend our university. Also during his Sophomore year Roman was hired as a Busboy,Cashier and a Waiter at a Restaurant/Taco Shop where he still works at for 18 hours a week.

So by this time I thought to myself that Roman was the one to accept until I read his Letter Of Recommendation and I came across a sentence that stated "I believe that Roman is a late bloomer." That really made me worry if Roman was ready for the "Real World." But as I read along I saw that he was ready for the real world and that one sentence should have not triggered me off, I read that Roman is a great person in and outside of the classroom. Moving on to his essay which I wanted to pass by, but I still read anyway, that essay had the good, the bad and the successful. His hook was breath taking, his epiphany was the best and not only did he use imagery but he talked about how he stayed out there in the rain wondering if people would still come to his Breast Cancer Awareness Walk. I think he's a good person for doing that walk because not to many people focus on that subject.

Down to my final decision, It's perfectly clear who's the best candidate for this college and therefore I would be honord to choose Roman as my choice. Starting from his upward trend to his essay, I feel that he is the perfect choice. I believe that Roman has everything that my college wants and needs. He's a leader and he stay's committed to everything that he does. He seems like the kind of person to never quit and he had a lot of depth compared to none of the breadth he showed.