Jordan+Pedroza+Admissions+Essay

As an college admission officer I know what I like to see in an application and also what is important for a college. I look for a very strong recommendation, it allows me to gain insight of how the student does in class, followed by a decent, well created essay, which allows me to see the students writing skills, and also a strong transcript, so I can further see how the student does in certain subjects and in class overall. After that I like to see decent SAT scores, doesn't have to be high, but not to low, and a decent activities list. I personally don't let a students SAT scores and activities effect the application because the SAT's doesn't show anything about the student but a test score, and anyone can do an activity, but it matters what you do in class.

In receiving Roman Polanco's application the first thing that came to my mind was his transcript. Even though his grades were not as great, and he had lots of attendance issues, he became a better student growing up, and had an upward trend junior and senior year. His regents scores were great, and he matured and started doing better in class. Roman's activity list was also great, participating in lots of programs and clubs. Roman was an student ambassador for all 4 years of high school, and he later became the lead ambassador, which shows he is a very strong, organized person and other relied on him. Also, Roman worked at an restaurant, and started in 10th grade. He worked his way up in promotions, which shows he is a hard worker. In Roman's recommendation, it stated that he was a strong leader and valued member of the Innovation community, and was one of the most reliable students. It also stated that he was a late bloomer, meaning he is just starting to know what it takes to be successful, and so he's doing better in the classroom.

Some things that effected his application in a negative way was his essay and his SAT scores. Reading his essay, Roman did not have a great hook, even though he did answer the "real question" and had an clear epiphany. His essay shows how he can be a leader, and can persevere. Roman's SAT scores were not great, slightly below average, but his math score being slightly above average. He took the SAT's twice, once in June, 2013, and once in November, 2013. He did a lot better in November, slightly bumping up his scores for each section.

In reviewing William Santos application, what came to my mind was his activity list. He participated in sports teams, jobs, clubs, and programs. William participated on the JV soccer team and the drama club, but only for one year, being in 9th grade. William also did home chores for all 4 years of high school, and worked as a ticket salesperson at AMC Movie Theater since 12th grade. William kind of participated in clubs and programs, but really didn't commit to any one thing. Also William's SAT scores were great, scoring highly above average with 600's and above on each section.

Some things that made me have a second thoughts about William was his transcript, essay, and recommendation letter. William's transcript was very bad, having attendance issues and getting low grades. He had an upward trend in 12th grade, and scored very high on the regents, which made his transcript a little better. In William's essay, I was very disappointed with his work. His essay had no hook, no epiphany, no before and after and it didn't answer the real question. He also wrote an extremely short essay, maybe less then 200 words. In William's recommendation, it states that he is a very bright young man who has success at the college level, but only if he applies himself.

During the time when I was reviewing Jasmine Duke's application, what surprised me was recommendation. It states that she is an extremely hard working student, who's well liked and respected at the Innovation community. She tries her best in all her assignments, she would like to be a doctor and comes from an immigrant family. Also Jasmine's activity list was great, she participated in a step program and in the drama club for all 4 years of high school. She also worked as a baby sitter and a junior tour guide during her high school career. In Jasmine's transcript, she got high grades and was never late but absent 12 times during high school. She also had a downward trend, and took no challenging classes, but did great on her regents.

In Jasmine Duke's application, what made me have second thoughts was her essay and SAT scores. In her essay, she had a great hook, but no epiphany, or before and after. She also does not answer the real question, but explains how she was inspired by her mom. On her SAT's, Jasmine scored below average, from a 430 in critical reading to a 470 in math.

Reading Kaylah Serrano's application, what shocked me was her recommendation. It states that she is destined for success at the college level, and also challenges herself. She speaks little English, but never complains about the challenges she's faced. Also, her essay was perfect. She had an excellent hook and epiphany, gave lots of examples, and told us stuff we didn't know from the other parts of the application. Also, her transcript was decent, having all around grades and taking an honors class in math and Spanish. Also, her regents were okay, scroing all around scores from 70's to 90's.

The parts of the application that made me think twice was her activity list and her SAT scores. On her activity list, she really didn't do anything from 9th to 11th grade, but got a job and started to take care of her family in 12th grade. Also, her SAT scores were below average, but scoring above average on the math section.

I believe the stronger student, after reading all 4 of the applications, is Kaylah Serrano. Her recommendation, essay and transcript was what really affected her application but in a positive way. Her recommendation is what struck me the most, and really took control of her application. She is a hard working student who is destined for success at the college level. She challenges herself and never complain about the challenges she faces in life and in school. Kaylah Serrano is clearly the better applicant at this time.