Qynasa+Deveaux+Admissions+Essay

As a new admissions officer, I am not the most talented but I know what is very important and what you should have in a student application. I always look for a marvelous transcript because it tells you what the student has been doing all four years. After, I look for a admirable essay telling me about the student and a recommendation letter with genuine praise. Also I see what activities the student had chosen to collaborate in and if they had depth. At last I look at the SAT scores and see how high they are. I think the activities and the SAT scores are the least important because the activities dont really tell me what I want to know about the student and the SAT's can be biased at times.

While looking over Roman Polanco's transcript I saw a upward trend on his grades which made me think that he started to mature more and more each year. Roman went from 60's to 70's to 80's then 90's. Then I saw a upward trend in his attendance which made me agree with my assumption even more. He went from 42 times late and 25 times absent to 12 times late and 5 times absent. I can really see how he tried to do better each year.

Roman's essay was astonishing. It was very well detailed and answered the real question (tell me about you). I also noticed a good hook and before and after. I realized exactly when he had an epiphany and I could really feel what he was talking about. The only thing that I found wrong was how long it was even though I don't believe any story should have a limit. Also, Roman's counselor recommendation was perfect. His counselor really told me more about him and how he is a late bloomer, which is why he has a upward trend. The counselor seemed honest and gave good praise which was great to me.

Roman participated in a good amount of activities. What really struck me was how he participated in Student Ambassadors program all four years of high school and even became the leader. That showed me he had depth and that he could really commit to something. He was also in Innovation Cares and helped out volunteering at different places. He works at Julio Franco's El Ricon Restaurant and Taco Shop and has been since 10th grade, this shows me he's responsible. Lastly, Roman's SAT scores were not the best slightly below average. He took the SAT's twice and scored higher on each test the second time his grades weren't always high so I would expect this.

When reviewing Jasmine Duke's transcript, I was amazed at her grades which stayed the same all four years but were still very high. I can tell she is very intelligent. Most of her grades were 80's and 90's and she had good attendance, she was only late once and absent four times. I think because of how high her grades were she should of participated in a scholar class or something of that sort. Besides that her transcript was very good.

Jasmine's essay .. there isn't much I could say about it except that she had perfect grammar but it didnt tell me anything about her. It told me all about her mother, I was starting to think I should ask her mother to apply. I really think she could've done way better than the essay she provided. It wasn't very detailed and short, it definitely wasn't what I expected. Now Jasmine's counselor recommendation was perfect, it told me more about her then she did. It was very well descriptive and had real praise. I enjoyed reading it more than I enjoyed reading her essay, I just wished her essay was as good as her recommendation.

I liked how Jasmine participated in alot of activities in and out of school. She was in the STEP Program and the Drama Club for all four years which is great to me. It shows she's loyal to what she does. She also participated in church activities like the Church Choir. She took jobs babysitting and worked as a tour guide. Jasmines SAT scores were low, I didnt expect that considering her high grades in her classes. They were all below average even thought she took them twice.

In looking at William Santo's transcript I was shocked I've never actually came across low scores like his. He had low grades all year round, mostly 60's and his attendance was horrible also. If anything, it seems to me he got worse over the four years of high school. William's recommendation wasn't good either they didn't say anything bad but barely told me about him meaning it had faint praise.

William's essay was definitely rushed or he just put no effort in to it. It barely told me about him and it was only a couple of sentences I really didn't like it. He didn't have a good hook, epiphany, or before and after. He participated in activities but not many, had alot of breadth and isn't a leader. He worked at two jobs one as a stock boy and the other as a ticket salesperson in 11th and 12th grade. The only thing I kind of liked was his SAT scores which were above average and way better than his class grades.

Kaylah Serrano's grades were a bit average but I noticed that she had 90's in Math and Spanish which told me those were her strongest subjects. She took a college class for Math at Hunter College and took Honors Spanish which is excellent. Her attendance was very well and she was only absent one day out of all four years. Kaylah's counselor recommendation was perfect. It told me about her and how she was a transfer student which is why her grades weren't the highest. It had good praise and was very well descriptive.

While reading Kaylah's essay I really got in to it. It was very good she had a great hook and before and after. I could tell she took her time writing this and worked efficiently. I knew when she had her epiphany because she was so detailed and I really could understand where she was coming from. She had good spelling and grammar, I didn't come across any mistakes. She told me things that I wouldn't know about her from her transcript. I was amazed at how good it was. I just found it a little to long but besides that it was great.

Kaylah didn't participate in a lot of activities. She had a lot of breadth and wasn't a leader. All she really did was participate in one club in 9th grade and take her brother to school in 9th and 10th grade and worked in 12th grade. Her recommendation said that she worked to help her mother but she only worked in 12th grade. Kaylah's SAT scores were below average. She took them twice and scored lower on each test the second time. This was probably because she had test anxiety and her grades weren't that high in first place. I was surprised that she didn't do good in math either when she took Advanced Math classes. I wasn't to happy with her scores.

I believe that Roman is the strongest candidate and is my choice. His transcript had a good upward trend and his essay was perfect and well detailed. He participated in a lot of activities and was a leader which showed me how committed he was. Also his recommendation was perfect and had real praise. His SAT's were above average and better than any of the other students. He has matured over the years and I would be happy to welcome him in my college.