Morgan+Strydom+comperative+essay

Click Here To See My Persuasive Essay ( Morgan Strydom )

As an admissions officer at Odee Super Extra Wavey Fire University ( O.S.E.W.F University ) I ranked the TEARS in order of importance to me. The most important component of the TEARS to me is the transcript. Transcript is the most important because it shows me how a student has progressed, digressed or maintained themselves grade wise through all four years of their high school career. The component of TEARS I ranked second was the essay. The essay is also important because it tells me something I wouldn't have known from just looking at their transcript. It also gives the applicant a chance to express or explain any hurdles they have had to overcome in their life and how it may have affected their level of work in class or absences/lateness. Recommendations and activities, I believe, are equally important. Recommendations are important because it tells me how the teachers interact with the student, and how hard and determined the student is (if the student even has those characteristics) Activities are equally important because they show both leadership, sportsmanship and depth to a students application. It is interesting to see how much a student does outside of academics. I ranked the SAT scores last. The SAT isn't as important as the other TEARS for the simple fact that I feel they are biased to some students.

When observing William's Transcript I realized that his grades were stayed in the mid 60's range all through his freshman, sophomore and junior year. His attendance matched his grades. William came to school on a rare basis and from the looks of his transcript it would seem like he wasn't a very involved student. William took no honors classes however, his regents scores were incredibly high. William's attitude towards class, showed in his essay. He had perfect spelling and grammar but saying it was spaghetti sauced is a complete understatement. He showed no growth in the essay and it didn't tell me anything I wouldn't have known from just examining his transcript. In short his essay was less than acceptable. As for William's activities, he founded the comic magazine in 12th grade and did household chores all four years of his high school career. William wasn't a leader in anything however, him being the founder of something is a good sign for me. It would've been nice to see a little more involvement on his part outside of academics.

William's recommendation from his counselor caught my interest. The counselor stated that he scores well on tests, as visible by his SAT scores but there was a lot of faint praise in thius recommendation, stating that "if William himself he could do well". This is a concern because as previously shown, William hasn't applied himself. His SAT scores were well above average and it would definitely add more prestige to Odee Super Extra Wavy Fire University. However I myself think the SAT's are biased and so I am not sure how much that would weigh on my decision to choose William Santos to attend my school.

Jasmine Duke is another candidate who applied to come to O.S.E.W.F University. While reading Jasmine's transcript the two things that stood out most to me were her grades, her number of lateness' / absences. Jasmine maintained 80's and 90's through all four years of her high school career. Jasmine's number of lateness' and absences were quite low (12 absences and 1 lateness) this impressed me because it tells me that if she attends my university she will be in class on time everyday doing what she needs to accomplish. However, Jasmine's essay wasn't as impressive. While her essay was well-written it didn't answer the question, which was who is Jasmine Duke? The essay was more her mother working hard and how her mom struggled with being an immigrant and adapting to America.

Jasmine's activities caught my interest because she participated in many clubs and it seems like she was very involved an committed outside of her academics. For example, she attended both drama club and her church choir through all four years of high school. She was also a babysitter which tells me that she is responsible and reliable. Jasmine's recommendation told me some of her strengths and weaknesses. She is hardworking, respected among students but she also has trouble juggling her life at times. There wasn't a bit of faint praise in her recommendation. Jasmine isn't such a good tester as observed by her SAT scores. She did OK, but her scores were slightly below the average score of 500. These scores would not necessarily add prestige to my school however, SAT scores aren't the most important things I take into account.

Roman Polanco was another applicant to O.S.E.W.F University. Looking at his transcript I see that he started in his freshman year with 60's and 70's but he had an upward trend and by 12th grade his academics became more important, with Roman achieving 90's in his classes however, he had a weakness in math and science.His lateness was a concern for me but I saw that it got better as he got older and matured as a young man. As far as Romans essay goes, he couldn't have been more clear in answering the question, who is Roman? During Romans epiphany he realized that instead of just participating in something, he had the power to lead it. His leadership role was important and this takes me to my next point, which is Roman's activities.

Roman had something in his activities that colleges like to call depth over breadth. Roman was apart of a program called the student ambassadors from 9th - 12th grade and in 12th grade he became lead ambassador. Roman also worked his way up in a job at a restaurant, which also proves that he is trustworthy and reliable. Roman's counselor recommendation says that he overcompensates in other areas of his school community because of his mediocre grades. The recommendation also says that he has a great gift of being able to lead and empower fellow students. It also stated that he has been determined to work hard and overcome any road blocks. Romans SAT scores varied. His Critical Reading and Writing portions were a bit below average however, his math score was slightly above average. Roman's scores aren't high enough that I believe they would add prestige to my university, however he didn't do too bad on his Math section.

The final candidate left to be evaluated is Kaylah Serrano. Kaylah's transcript had an upward trend. She also took honors classes in Spanish class. Her absences were impressive because she was only absent once through all four years of high school. However, like everyone she did have weaknesses which included Global/ U.S History. Her strongest regents scores were in Spanish and Math. Kaylah's essay was intriguing. She had a great hook to pull me in and she spoke about her struggles and having to work 25 hours a week while still in school to pay for groceries and rent. She also explains that even though she struggled a bit in her grades that she tries extremely hard in certain areas like English.

Kaylah also participated in extracurricular activities. She attended the Jamming Cares club in 9th grade and she also had the responsibility of walking her brother to school through her 9th and 10th grade years. My university takes favor to people who are leaders and take initiative and Kaylah showed that through her working/taking her brother to school every morning. While reading Kaylah's counselor recommendation I was not too surprised to find that Kaylah seems like an incredible student to have around. Her counselor said that her strengths are that she is incredibly focused and determined and she's always searching for new opportunities. One of her weaknesses when she first came to the school was that she spoke minimal English and it was a little tough at first for her to adjust. Another great thing I learned about Kaylah is that she never makes excuses or complains which is important in a college setting. Kaylah's SAT scores varied. She scored below average on her Critical Reading and Writing portions however, she scored slightly above average in her Math portion. Her scores wouldn't add prestige but again SAT scores are not completely weighing my decision.

After all the information I have gathered about all four candidates and taking into consideration my rating of each of the five TEARS I feel that Kaylah is the strongest applicant. I rated trascript first and the upward trend in Kaylah's transcript tells me that she is determined to progress. I ranked essay second and Kaylah's essay was the strongest out of all the applicants, she told me her struggles, her strengths, her weaknesses, and how she has overcome all of them but not without difficulty. I feel I learned the most about Kaylah than any of the other candidates. Another reason why I chose Kaylah was because Kaylah's counselor gave her tremendous and well earned praise. It told me she had perseverance and a very positive outlook. I rated Activities and SAT scores last and in these areas Kaylah had some strengths and some weaknesses but I feel that overall as a student she has done a lot to overcompensate. I would be glad to have Kaylah Serrano attend O.S.E.W.F University.