Joshua+Dejesus+Admissions+Essay

=Persuasive Essay=

Dear Admissions officer

As an admission officer I ranked __T.E.A.R.S.__ this way. __ T.E.A.R.S. __ stands for ( Transcript,Essay,Activities, Recommendations and SAT's ).Transcript is their grades and how are they doing in their academic work. Essay is what they write to give their side of the story to explain why that person didn't do to good. Activities is what kind of programs or clubs they have join to get extra curriculum. Recommendations is what teachers, or a close person write to college to explain or talk about that persons good accomplishments or stories. SAT's is the specialize test that you can take to get into college. In my opinion i think that Essay is the most important because you have a chance to explain to to colleges that you want to attend to explain why you haven't done that good. Some colleges understand and might allow you to attend. On the other hand they might be strict and decline you.

The first student i will be introducing you to is Roman Polanco. Roman's Transcript was upper-trend. His grade's were (60's - 70's) in his 9th grade grade's. As he moved on grade's his grade's started to become (80's and 90's). He has been late 42 time's and absent 25 time's. He did not take college AP classes. His Essay has a hook in it. He had perfect spelling and grammar. He also had an a epiphany. His essay deserved a scale grade of 4.0 .He did a great job. His activities were good! He was student ambassador all for years. He depth! He also worked at a restaurant. He participated in the Ajude me club which is Spanish for "Help me! His recommendations were supported 100%. It said he was a late bloomer. Was talking about his accomplishments. Discussed that he was always eager to work. Also told he was a leader and his strength was community service. His Sat's were below average.

Next we have Kaylah Serrano. She does well in school. She does well in all her academic work. She was absent one time. Her strongest class is Spanish.Her Essay was outstanding. She didn't know English very well and spoke most Spanish. She came in the U.S.A speaking Spanish not knowing English well. She Mention's her aunt. And her Essay has a hook. She had an epiphany and she answers the questions. Her activities were Jamming care's club. She also worked at dunkin Donuts. Her recommendations shows lots of support. It explains how she challenges herself. She's a hard worker. And the she get's support. Her SAT's score's are 500 and over.

Jasmine Duke Her transcript were amazing. Her grade's were between the 80's and 90's. Her grade's might had dropped a little as she moved up grade's. She downward trended a bit. Her Essay was OK. She mainly talked about her mom. She doesn't have a hook or an epiphany. Has example's but not about herself but about her mom. It shows she grew stronger. And also she has very good spelling and grammar. It may seem like it was rushed so it's kinda of a spaghetti sauce Essay. Her activity's were outstanding. She went tp church through 9th grade through 11th. It was more about depth. She had also did scripture reading. Also she did Lawrence and Derby. She had internship. She worked at a children's museum. Her recommendations are very good. Say's she is strong in math and science. Member of first senior class. Explain's she is a hard worker. Consistent member of community. Has ability to juggle.

William Santos Transcript has upper trended. Discusses that he is a late bloomer. William Essay explains that he had started late but then he realized that school is important so he began working hard and it payed off. Has no hook. And his essay has no epiphany. His Activity's has breadth in it. He hasn't stuck through a club all the way. He is a founder of Inno-Zine. He joined a soccer team and was in film club and comic book club. He take's care of his dog. His recommendations says he is good at academic work. It gave him a faint praise. Doesn't have strength or weaknesses. His SAT's were excellent. His score's were 600 and above.

After going over this i feel like Kaylah Serrano is able to go to my college. She may not know allot of English but we have classes that help her understand English more better. And i'm most pleased with her attendance. She was absent one time and was never late. Her grade's are amazing and she is a hard worker. She doe's well and works hard to support her family. I know she may had struggle but that didn't stop her from doing what she had to do. I would like more student's like her in my university. She works hard and always come's on time unless she's absent. What impressed me the most was her Essay. Shye explained how she didn't know English very well but she managed to get to the top. Congratulation's to Kaylah.