Diamond+Mitchell's+admissions+essay

__Diamond Mitchell's Comparative Essay__

As an admission's officer, I already know what is most important to me in an student application. I want a strong transcript that is not just passing. Also, I want an outstanding essay that is well written after a average or slightly high average to show that they really tried throughout their four years in high school. Next I want an stupendous, superior recommendation letter. Finally, I would look at the students activities. I do not really think that the activities do anything for the student unless they want to go to a college that is based on sports. But otherwise, I really don't think what activities the student has done for the last four years of high school is really necessary.

When I saw Roman Polanco's application, I was really amazed at the upward trend he had in junior and senior year. This showed me that he was really trying to improve his grades and attendance. This makes sense because Roman Polanco's attendance was not that great. But looking at his transcript, that showed that he was really trying. But if he really wants to get into a good college he needs to improve more on his attendance so that he does not miss any classes. Also so he doesn't have to struggle to graduate. Other than that he really finished strongly with his transcript.

Roman's essay was impressive. It had a excellent hook in the beginning so this shows that he really tried to grab someones attention. This made me feel like I was really there with him. He gave good examples and specific details so I know exactly what happened and I knew what he was thinking. The essay looked in shipshape and to have taken notice, Roman has no spelling or grammar mistakes. By reading this I can see that he is very trustworthy and he is very independent but likes to help others.

Roman had a lot of depth to his activities. He participated in student ambassadors all four years. In twelfth grade he was a lead ambassador. Colleges love that. Roman's recommendation letter has real praise. Also, it tells me that he is a leader and he actively participates. His SAT scores are slightly low average in CR and W. He has a slightly high average in M which shows that math is a strength.

William Santos's transcript was really bad. He had mostly 60's. This makes sense because looking at his attendance, it shows he missed a lot of days of school and it got worse throughout his four years. His essay was bad but he got right to the point. Williams recommendation letter was not strong. He authentically had faint praise.

William Santos did a lot of activities. He had more breadth concluded with depth. William Santos's SAT scores were really good. He had a above average scores in all three sections.

Kaylah Serrano's transcript was good. She took an advanced class in math which shows that math is definitely a strength. Kaylah's SAT scores are really good. She has a slightly below average in CR and W but she has an average in M. Her essay was outstanding. She has a really good hook and she answered the real question.

Even though Kaylah's life was really challenging, she took all her struggles and made them into something.Kaylah did not do as many activiti//es// as I thought. Even though she came from another country and she worked at Dunkin Donuts to support her family. Kaylah's recommendation letter However Kaylah's recommendation letter is very convincing. It shows genuine praise and that she applies herself and she tries her best

Jasmine Duke shows that she is a strong person. From her 9th - 12th grade year she has high grades. However she has not taken any advanced classes. With her grades she could have easily put into my college. Jasmine's essay does not answer the real question. She has a good hook but it does not say anything about her in the essay. She talks about her mother. She has done a great job on her regents and she has a slightly low average on all three sections on her SAT. She has done a lot of activities, like she was in the drama club and CUNY program for all four years. She also joined the knitting club form 11th -12th grade. She was in a church choir and she worked at Lawrence and Darby Jett as a babysitter. However Jasmine's recommendation letter is very good. It shows genuine praise and that she applies herself and she tries her best.

After looking at all four candidates applications, I have made a strong decision. Kaylah Serrano is the strongest candidate. She has a good transcript and not to mention her recommendation letter and activities. Even though her essay did not answer the 'real question' it already shows in the rest of her application. I would definitely welcome Jasmine into my college.